END THE ANGER AND LIVE IN PEACE

Are you angry? Good! It’s about time…

Anger is simply frustration turned outward. Anger is a symptom — a warning to you that there is something not right. Something out of place that you no longer feel you want in your life.

But the bigger picture is the anger is not about what you think. Hang on to your hats folks — it’s about you. If you are angry about something it’s time to check in on yourself to seek the solution.

I know… you’re thinking, “No… it’s about this person and the way they are doing something…” And in most cases, another person is involved. But is it really something that they are doing? Or is it something that they are doing which makes you feel something odd about what you are doing? Here’s an example. Money is perhaps the biggest source of relationship issues. Suppose you are the “spender” and you are angry that the “saver” is angry with you. You feel that they are just trying to take something you enjoy away. They feel that you are trying to take something theyenjoy away. So both of you have arrived at this point because you both feel that “fun” is being threatened.

So, ask yourself — am I mad at the other person or am I worried that my “fun” might go away? Well, the other person may have the ability to physically take away your wallet, but you are more worried about how that will make you feel IF it happens. So are you angry… or just worried?

See — you are not angry at the other person, just worried about yourself. It’s about how you are feeling about you.

Example after example of things that “anger” us can be broken down into this same result. Are you angry at another driver because they cut you off — or are you worried that you might have been in an accident. Are you angry at the cashier who is taking too much time with a person’s order or is your day jam packed with a massive to-do list and you are frustrated that you have to wait? Does your job anger you because the boss is a pain, or do you feel that you can’t do anything about it? See — anger is a symptom of another problem; not something that is caused by someone else.

OK. So now that you see that anger has to do with something on your own side — now what? This goes back to making any type of change in your life. There are only three things that you can do to change your point of view — accept it, change it, or move away from it. If you are the spender and your saver is constantly at you, you can choose to see it from their standpoint (“maybe I do spend more than we can afford. Let me take a look at my side of the problem.”). You can change it (“I need this item and here is where it fits into our budget. Let’s work it out together”). Or drop it completely (“We can’t seem to work this out so it’s time to walk away.”)

So, are you still angry? Take a moment today to look at it from a new point of view and choose to do something different with the same old problem. When you begin to look underneath the anger, you will begin to find something that you have been looking and fighting for — your “peace” of mind.

Authored by: Ron Villano

Ron Villano, M.S., LMHC, ASAC is the leading expert in working through change. As a father who lost his 17-year old son in an auto accident, he always speaks from the heart. As a licensed psychotherapist and life coach, he counsels others on how to work through difficult times.

As a national speaker and author of The Zing, Ron has appeared before sold-out audiences across the country and is currently featured on the new Verizon FiOS1 network. His funny, captivating and approachable style creates the powerful, life-changing moments you have been looking for.

Ron's Podcast Link: Get through the holidays after the loss of a loved one.

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