Recently, I have been having some trouble with my ego and moving into my heart. What happens is, thoughts that are not so constructive, constantly enter my head. I am always focusing on the present moment, opening my ears to listen to what’s real in the present, putting focus on my heart, and looking at people through the eyes of love and treating them all equal. But these negative thoughts enter my mind over and over that judges and keeps me in this mind-made world. There seems to be little improvement, and I feel like I have been in the same position for a long time. I’ve been doing different things like donating to causes that feel right and using the money I have left to give joy to my friends. Every now and then I will get into a state of pure peace and wonder in the present moment, but it just goes back to this mind-made world where I don’t feel the power of me moving forward to great things in my life.
Thank you for your letter. I love how conscious and self-aware you are. And, Randall, you’re already ahead of the game because when you’re self-aware and have the ability to live in a conscious state, it’s much easier to find solutions to any challenge you’re experiencing.
I would also love to live in the present moment 24/7. In my not so humble opinion, living in the present moment 24/7 is the ultimate way to live. And the fact that you already know how important living in the moment is to maintaining peace and happiness, lets me know your foundation is directly connected to the Universe. I too had issues with my ego’s never-ending negative banter before I took “its” power away. Now, for the most part, my ego is a starving entity held in check, when I’m living consciously throughout my day.
The Truth About the Ego
Let’s remember, the Universe does not make mistakes, and creating the ego was a necessary entity to our human evolution. (I think it would be fascinating to know how much we all will evolve in the next 500 years…but I digress.) I like to think of the ego as a job applicant with a limited amount of skills and functions. YOU have to designate which position you allow your ego to hold. For example: You wouldn’t let a 5-year-old drive a car. Why? Because the 5-year-old isn’t qualified to drive. It’s the same concept with the ego. In fact, the ego and the 5-year-old have some similar traits.
Traits of the Ego
- Needs lots of attention
- Needs to be fed
- Needs to be heard
- Disguises itself as being YOU
- Lives in fear of being exposed
Behavior of the Ego
- Bathes in negativity
- Showers in judgments and comparisons
- Dresses in feel-bad activity and feel-bad thoughts
- Lives in fear
Again, the ego possesses a limited amount of skill and function. The problems arise when we allow the ego to hold positions of power that it’s not qualified for. My experience with my ego is that it never has anything good to say about me or anyone else. And since I know that, why would I allow that “voice” to make decisions about how I feel about me?
Let me be clear, the ego is not an enemy. The ego has its role, its purpose and its place. If it weren’t for my ego, I’d walk out of the house wearing plaid and paisley prints…around my head. I might even refuse to shower or brush my teeth or apply make-up. No, the ego is not the enemy; however, the ego has been allowed to dominate positions that it’s not qualified to hold. Allow your ego to only be in charge of the jobs it’s qualified for (make-up, hair, and wardrobe), and your life will change.
What We Resist Persists
Finally, in order for me to find peace with my ego, I had to STOP resisting it. I had to stop the struggle. I began to accept, allow, and flow with whatever the ego thought. Why not? I recognize the truth when I hear it, and I recognize the opposite of the truth when I hear it. I can’t stop the ego from trying its best to make me feel bad, but I can stop resisting its existence, and I can stop giving its words any credence or power. I started by paying less and less attention to the thoughts the ego had and begin replacing them with thoughts that served me better.
How I Interact With My Ego Now
I embrace and accept the ego as an important part of me. I allow the ego to be itself without judgment and reprimand. Also, I don’t resist any thoughts the ego has. Why? Because resisting the ego takes me out of the present moment. Instead of resisting the ego, I just observe and witness. Sometimes, just sometimes, I actually have fun with the ego. When I’m feeling really feisty, I talk back to my ego and say, “Hey, is that all you have for me today?” or “Is that the best you can do to make me feel bad?” When I ask those questions, I usually receive silence in return. Try it.
Change Your Perspective
Change the way you think about your ego. Think of your ego as being a bad reality show on TV. Bad entertainment can be funny. Lighten up. Now that you know the truth about the ego, have some fun and chillax (chilling+relaxing). Remember, you are not your ego.
Randall also wrote:
“I don’t feel the power of me moving forward to great things in my life”
When you say you’re dissatisfied because you don’t feel the power of moving forward to “great things in my life,” know that that thought is spoken by none other than Mr. Ego. Remember, your ego has one job and one job only – to keep you in a state of dissatisfaction, for as long a possible. That’s why it’s so important to know the difference between the two “voices”. The truth is, the Universe would tell you, “Randall, your life is unfolding in the exact manner it’s supposed to unfold.” Further, the Universe would tell you to relax and start appreciating and loving where you are NOW. Life evolves and changes. Randall, your life is also evolving and changing in every moment. Know that. Trust that. The Universe knows what IT is doing. By the way, you’ll continue to experience great things, and even more great things; however, the Universe wants you to love and embrace were you are now…the present moment. Surrender to the plan of the Universe and relax. Your life is unfolding in perfect order.
Randall also wrote:
Also, when I am at social gatherings, I find it hard to get into a conversation with people. Like, no words will come to my mind. I just smile and try to be at peace with myself, but I see everybody in a conversation except me. Then on certain occasions, I will get into a conversation where it feels like everything is going perfect and the way it should. It just feels like a lot of confusion at this point in my life.
My dear Randall,
The first thing I would say to you is to STOP trying so hard. I’ve found that when I’m struggling with anything, it’s because I’m disconnected from the Universe. Have you ever seen a rose bush struggling to bloom? Have you seen a dog struggling to be a dog? Have you ever witnessed the sun struggling to shine? Whenever I’m struggling, I know the Universe is NOT involved. Further, it’s not the event that’s causing your struggle. It’s your thoughts about the event that’s causing your struggle.
Who Am I?
One of the hardest things I’ve had to learn was to just be myself. The reason why it was so hard to be me is because I didn’t even know who I was! I spent years discarding layers and layers of someone else’s stuff. It was like I had someone else living in my body. Now that I’m learning who I am, I know what feels like a fit and I know what feels like a shoe that’s 3 sizes too tight. Yes, it’s taken me decades to be at peace with who I really am. Who am I? I’m happy, fun, funny, light, introvert, extrovert, and a hippie that expresses herself trough teaching fitness classes, speaking, and writing. When I attend social gatherings, I don’t know how I’m going to feel when I arrive. Sometimes I’m quiet and observe other people and sometimes I feel like chatting. Either way, I’m okay with whatever I feel inspired to be and do in the moment.
Let me share a real-life experience that I recently had at a social gathering. Last month I attended my high school reunion. While in high school, I was shy and socially awkward with a total of 2 friends. Yes, I said 2 friends. And to make it worse, I didn’t even like them. I was hanging out with them because I thought it was odd for me to be alone. I thought it was weird not to have friends.
When I attended my reunion, I was basically the same type of social person (introvert and extrovert), with one major difference: I was very comfortable being me. I was happy in my skin. Because I wasn’t one of the “popular kids” and I wasn’t a member of a “click”, I remember thinking before I arrived, I was going to be okay if I talked to anyone and I was going to be okay if I didn’t talk to anyone. And, it was also going to be okay if no one talked to me! I was ready.
When I arrived, I purposely decided to sit at a table far from the “action”. I did what I was inspired to do in the moment, which was to observe other people enjoying the evening. My entertainment came in the form of “people watching”. The only people I talked to that evening were people sitting at my table or fellow classmates that made the long trek across the room to speak to me.
Quiet as a Mouse
There were 10 people sitting at my table. Half of the people sitting at my table were husbands or wives of my classmates. A gentleman sitting to my left was the husband of a classmate. This man didn’t utter one word to anyone of us at the table the entire evening. In fact, he spoke only to his wife when she engaged him in conversation. When his wife left the table to socialize, he sat quietly in silence. Even though he didn’t speak to anyone at the table, there was a peace about him that I definitely felt. He was very comfortable not speaking. You, my dear Randall, are not. Why? It’s a question that only you will discover the answer to. If you ask me, and you did, there’s nothing wrong with attending a social gathering and not uttering a word, if you are at peace with yourself.