U DESERVE MORE!
“U deserve more,“ a text I recently received. This is something that has been said to me countless times throughout the years by family, friends, coworkers and acquaintances.
Only this one really hit me. When I first received this message my first reaction was “Yeah! I do!” but instead the text I sent back was “I’m not ready for more.” The sad part is after sitting with these texts for 24 hours I realized that I do not believe “I deserve more.”
The good girl in me has convinced myself that I shouldn’t be greedy. I should take crumbs but I must and should always give the whole cake to all. How dare I ask for more? It is about the giving not the receiving. I am full of love for all and have a need to give it, share it and lather others in it. The person who sent it to me was someone I thought about for years and wondered what it would be like to have a relationship with them or maybe just a friendship. Only I ended up feeling more than I thought I was capable of. I finally felt deserving only to find out that what he gave I didn’t deserve. His text told me that I deserved more but the more was not him. It’s a difficult deserving pill to swallow because I would have settled for what he was willing to give no matter how big or small because like I said I finally felt deserving.
So I find myself asking “What makes me deserving?” What makes anyone deserving? What makes you deserving?
As always I come back to my strength, my heart, my core and lean on my acting training for answers. And as I reach deep down into the foundation I have built. I say “I do deserve more” more of everything. Why, because I am “Special.” Why do you deserve more?” because you are “Special.” How do I know this? I know this because there is only one you and there is only one me and that makes us unique and special and that makes us deserve more.
How simple! This is what I say to my acting students on the first day of class and every class after that. The answer was there all the time.
I AM SPECIAL! = I DESERVE MORE!