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Now that the two of you have split, parts of you are probably feeling frightened and therefore clinging to familiarity. Although you may not be inclined to do so, consider loosening your grip on the past and beginning to experience the profound benefits of broadening out of your comfort zone. You can initiate achievable steps in that direction right now. Extricate yourself from “your side of the bed,” and venture into taboo territory. Roll over to the center, stretch out, hog all the covers, and make as much noise as you like. Now prop yourself up on all of the pillows and read on.

The following is an easy to navigate list to gently guide you out of your comfort zone and into the world of new possibilities. Approach the list at your own pace, perhaps one reflection per day, or one per week. Allow yourself the quiet and privacy that you deserve while you reflect upon what each step means specifically for you.

1. Although it may not be easy to envision, the challenge of divorce can be accompanied by significant opportunity that would not have otherwise presented itself. Identify one goal that you can accomplish now, that you could not have achieved during your marriage. For example, you might go back to school, take up yoga, lose weight, or start your own business.

2. Divorce can often cause our confidence and self-esteem to waver. Recognizing your positive traits is essential at this time. Identify one of these special personality or character traits that can show itself more clearly now than previously. Is it your resilience that is revealing itself, or perhaps your independence?

3. When we are involved in a difficult life transition, we tend to focus inward. Going beyond ourselves is an
effective way to find meaning and put our issues into perspective. Identify one new strategy to contribute in some small way towards helping others or impacting the world. For you, maybe it’s volunteering in a literacy program, joining a political club, or “Walking for the Cure.”

4. When you want to see changes in your life, reaching out for support is an important part of the process. Identify three professionals, friends, or family members who can fill this role.

5. Developing a positive vision for yourself can be enormously empowering and can help you stay focused and goal oriented. Create this future image. How do you want to see yourself in five years? Let this vision guide you.

I’d love to hear what happens when you begin to integrate these five reflections into your life, so please contact me and share. For me, it has been transformative and that’s exactly what can happen for you, when you create the life for yourself that you choose.

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